John McGahern
Well, the bug that started as a cold has really knocked me out and I’ve been in the twilight zone for the last few days. Someone did point out that it’s not feeling unwell, but all the stuff, such as anxiety and frustration, that gets put on top that is the really uncomfortable experience. It’s true, but not that easy to change! Today on the way to see the doctor, I found in my jacket pocket the Guardian obituary of the Irish writer John McGahern, which I had torn out of the paper in March and then lost (tip: lost things often turn up in pockets). If you haven’t read any of his books, then Amongst Women and That They May Face the Rising Sun are wonderful. I found this quote "The best of life is life lived quietly, where nothing happens but our calm journey through the day, where change is imperceptible and the precious life is everything". This came on top of reading Pema Chodron’s Start Where You Are (a commentary on the Seven Points of Mind Training) in which she says "Whatever bright solutions or big plans you come up with, just let them go, let them go, let them go. Whether you seem to have just uncovered the root of a whole life of misery or you’re thinking of a rootbeer float - whatever you’re thinking - let it go….. just pause and notice, and let go". It seems that McGahern also is touching on this theme of letting go of both hope and fear and living life moment by moment. Sooo…. to move away from the theoretical. …I could let go of feeling anxious about not being on the work retreat (will people think I’m useless?), worrying that I won’t be well enough to visit my mum next weekend (will she think I’m hopeless?) and letting my lover see me looking pale and spotty (too terrible to contemplate). And just appreciate my moment by moment existence which is actually not unpleasant at all in the main. Difficult choice……. I’ll let you know…
